anjamine janelle endriano perigo's 5 words that should always be remembered
There are so many things I want to do in my life but here I am sitting in my room alone and blogging about it. There are many things that i want to do and i don’t know where to start with. None of it includes any of my academic workloads and exams. I just want a summer getaway. i want to explore Philippine islands and get tanned. I want to climb mountains, have a long walk in the seashore and a bit of party. I want to feel that I am young and savor it. I just wish that this month was a summer and I have all the luxury to do what i want and go wherever i want to. Unfortunately, I am in my dorm room and i still have so many things to do for my class. I have been slacking off for a year already. I don’t have the inspiration to be productive. I lost my game face. I lost my motivation to do my best. I don’t know what to do. I just want to YOLO right now. I just want it to be summer forever.
I have a new manta in my life now. WORK hard, Play hard or harder sometimes.
Hail! Hail! Alma Mater, Hail to De La Salle! I one proud Lasallian. The game today was so intense that it accelerated my heartbeat to the extent of almost having a heart attack. I cannot deny the fact that the growling tigers is a team that is hard to beat. If they did not put up a fight then the game would have been boring. In fact, they had a chance of winning but La Salle prevailed. I am just so happy right now. I’ll be blogging again good time or bad.
I never posted selfie ever before in instagram but a selfie with coach Juno is an exemption especially when he is smiling! I had fun having selfie’s with the players tonight! #AnimoLaSalle #thisIsOurYear #selfie #KeeptheAnimoBurning
Courage. A simple world that can bring out the best in you. Everyone has their own strength. A strength built through years as you grow. But not all of us can build our own courage. Instead, you construct your own fear that leads you to creating you own monsters. Without realizing, you start building your gates to keep yourselves in the disaster you monster might bring you. You feel secure in that way.
Unveiling it would destroy your own. The only one who can defeat it is the creator, you. It takes more than strength to go on a one on one fight with the monster.It takes all your courage to destroy it. Building this courage with our strength is a difficult process. One has to give up something to unlock the chain that binds us in our fear. Once we gain the courage and is prepared for the battle. There is no going back. There is no giving up. The only way is to finish the battle and win. When you do, you don’t even realize that you became stronger.
You survived your own battle fighting the monster that you created in the first place. So when you finally are free from that, the gates the we built from hiding from them are no longer necessary. We can finally go out and explore more of yourself and more of the world. It takes more than our strength to be free, COURAGE. When you finally have it, there is no longer destination you can’t reach.
I was trapped in my own cocoon of How I met your mother series. While I was inside my cocoon, I have been preparing myself to come out of my cocoon and fly away with my new wings. Now I am on the process of going out of the cocoon. The question is am I ready to fly already? Are there chances that I might not grow my own wings? Are my loads to big to be pulled up by my wings? These are the questions that are holding me back from seeing the outside world.
My fear is the main recipe for my hesitation to explore the beautiful garden that is out there. I see myself in an deep dark empty pit. My college professor is doing her evil laugh while looking down at me vulnerable. Yes, I have become a hater. I’m going to mention the professor’s name but I’m not going to deny that sometimes I wish I was at the top of the pit looking down at her and begging for my forgiveness. I have plot revenge to her but never pursued.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like that professor failed me yet. Well I don’t know the future but there might be a possibility that I will have my first failure. I even thought of dropping this class if only my tuition fee is just one peso or my parents are very rich. I have been worrying about this class that it caused me stress and I have come to hate my classmates in that class. But then, while I was was busy in my own cocoon, (Yes, even if I am in my cocoon I also get busy) I realized that I was wrong about the pit. Because on top of that pit is me. I created that pit and brought myself to it. The only person who can help me back up is myself
I have to let go of that ladder so that I can climb up that pit and arrive safely on top. I have to learn in letting go of all the anger, despair and fear and replace it with redemption so i can finally be out of my cocoon completely. And so the beautiful butterfly was born ready to explore the world.
I remember at the time when i was still innocent that I thought that life is very simple and I would never change or grow up, i always watched Disney TV shows. In every shows, the ending has a pattern. They would always come to a great realization about their day. They always have a story to tell and every story has a lesson to learn. I always wished that my life would be like that. Someday, I will have a great story to tell and a lesson learned. I never realized until now that I am living that kind of life already.
Maybe, this is part of growing and probably one of the greatest mysteries of life. I can say that this is inevitable stage of life. i very happy to finally reach that step. i do hope that all of the things i learned can be internalized by my body, mind, heart and soul. Because sometimes, even if we learn our mistakes, we still commit them again and again.
One good story is what happened today. While I was walking outside the busy street pf Taft right after buying from my favorite milk tea place, I suddenly discovered something just by going through my usual talk to myself habit. I realized what simple mistake I have that can ruin my entire career. Just by the simple words of telling myself that I will do it tomorrow can cause the biggest downfall of my career. Just like a small disturbance in a lake can produce chain of ripple waves and disturbs the stillness of a beautiful lake.
The question is how would a wave be related to a simple act of saying tomorrow? Well, get yourselves ready for you are going to be amazed and feel awesome reading this. Just kidding or not. You see, when I am about to do something i always tell myself that I can do it tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, I’d say my favorite word in the world, tomorrow. Again. It becomes continuous until the final day has arrive that I am doomed if I speak a single word of tomorrow. Again.
So going back to the part where it is related to the wave in the lake, this is my point. Even those simple things that are coming out from my mouth can destroy my academic life. I end up cramming, going to school late, cutting class, not studying for a major exam etc. You get my point. It is like a domino effect but the first domino is small at first and as more domino falls down, the size gets bigger.
My fellow folks, I think you now understand my paradigm. Today’s realization is there should be no tomorrow. Of course I am bluffing. There is tomorrow just not in my vocabulary. If you have to do things, think like today is your last and tomorrow is not going to happen. If you want to do something badly then you better start moving your ass and do it. If you are reading my boring text post right now then there is only one answer to the question why. You are guilty. Am I right?
I’ve been asking myself on how should I get back the life I had before, a happy one. Because every time I thought life is good, the next day it just becomes an idea. I always try so hard to get through life smoothly that I start to get rough on myself. I plan every single thing until the very last detail but in the end i don’t get to enjoy it.
It turns out that when I don’t plan everything and just be spontaneous then life gets more fun and unexpected things happen. The nice ones, of course. The solution to my problem is the opposite of what I have been doing. I just have to be myself which is simple and easy. I don’t need to try hard which is complicated.
If you want to be convinced then I’ll give you an example like now. While I was writing the second paragraph I knew what i was going to right next. When I started thinking hard, like squishing a dry sponge to get a droplet of water, I totally spaced out and forget what to write.
You see, living life is not complicated at all. It is just simple and easy. We just make it complicated. Like how we always create our own problems when we can avoid it in the first place. That is why form now on, I will no longer be conscious of what people will think of me. I will just be myself and live life like it is just fun ride.
I don’t know if people have realized it but we have the shadow of heart. This shadow follows us all the time. It is hiding behind our back without us realizing. You see, when I like a book I usually take note of the author and read the his or her other books. Every author has a unique way of expressing. I guess i know them by reading their books. For instance, Nicholas Sparks who usually writes about love stories. He is one of the popular writer in our time. Especially, when many of his books have movie tie in.
It is no doubt that Nicholas Sparks is known by almost everyone. From what i can see, his novels also has a shadow of his hart. His personality reflects from what he wrote. I bet he love those simple electrifying things in life because I also love it. I probably have seen it because we have the same imagination, walking and sitting in a country side white beach with your other half, canoeing in a lake while talking about yourselves, and enjoying the hard pouring rain while exchanging kisses. I mean who does not love that.
Those simple things in life are normal but they become phenomenal when you do it with the person you are in love with. I have not experienced it though, just imagined doing it. Mr. Sparks and I may be two very different people. He is a guy and way older than me. Our culture does not match either but somehow, we have similar shadow of our hearts. He may not be sharing it only with me but probably many people around the world. It is probably the reason why he has readers all over the world. We all want the same thing. It is to experience the best simple things with the person we are in love.
Life is full of choices, opportunities, regrets and second chance. You are always given a second chance. That is how life works. It is your choice to it. I wasted a lot of chances academically speaking. I think God is trying to tell me that i should fix myself. i should not waste the chances he is giving me. The signs are obvious and fate has spoken. I can’t be wasting my life because I have so much more. I can do much better than this. Besides, you only live once.
This popular YOLO line is paradoxical. Yes, you only live once and you should have fun and do crazy stuff. That is how people think of YOLO. But since you only live once, then, aren’t you supposed to make sure you live your life properly? That you can’t party too much or set aside your grades? I mean you only live once so why not live it with a perfectly imperfect healthy life? It does not mean you can’t have fun nor you can’t party anymore. But it means living your life happily without regrets.
You may have a lot of second chances that you’ll experience in life but life itself don’t have second chances. You can’t tell God to live again because you did bad. There is no second chance on that so you better start thinking on what you’re going to do the next time you say YOLO.
The sun is shining, the sky is blue and here I am blogging at daylight. It sun may have not set yet but I feel like it has been a long day already. My finals are done and I am out to take my temporary freedom. I only had few hours of sleep because I finally studied a final exam. My energy bar is not yet full but my mind would not let me recharge fully.
I already got my grade on the subject that I thought might be a threat to me. Fortunately my overnight hard work paid off well. I got a higher grade than what I expected and i should be happy about it. But whenever I reach my aim I always would greed for something greater. I would have gotten a higher grade if only I was not yolo-ing this term so now it is time to reflect.
Hard work pays well. But working smartly and doing your best pays a greater price. I do not want to disappoint my parents any longer. I most definitely do not want to regret and cry all night in a corner. I am not going to make any promises. This I am assured that I will do my best not for the next term only nor for the whole college life. I will do my best from now. It may not be an easy task and it is a long term process. I have a lifetime to learn and change into a better person than I was before.
Comparing myself to others may lead me to envy but comparing myself from yesterday will make me a better person. The only justifiable comparison you can ever make to yourself is who you were yesterday. You do not want a decreasing asymptote to describe yourself. Rather, an increasing asymptote is the best. The only way is to increase indefinitely. That is a lifetime challenge that you can only impose to yourself. Can you do that?